Change... That is one thing you can always count on, It's inevitable! Adjusting to the change is the hard part. Even when I see it coming, I feel like I can never be prepared.
I have some rough months ahead! I am moving out of my home soon which is going to be emotional. Too many memories! It's my first home and the home I've raised my babies in. The good part is Dave will be moving in so at least the kids will adjust to the move slowly. they will still have their home part time until It's fixed up and sold. They seem to do a lot better with change. They are always surprising me! Nothing seems to phase them, everything is normal. I wish I had a child's mind sometimes.
My job is changing. USPS signed a new contract and eliminated my position and added a new one. which is really the same thing just less flexibility and more benefits. So there are pros and cons. but aren't there for everything? Well, I just interviewed to get my job back when everything fully transitions in a couple weeks. I will know soon if I still have a job. I really dislike (I don't hate) the work I am doing, it really is boring. I have a really hard time staying awake with my hours 20:45 - 02:45. I'm always exhausted! But I really like that I am able to be home with the kids all day. I'm able to take them places and watch them grow like a mom should :). So I do like my job, although boring, it pays well and it still allows me to be with my kids. So I am keeping my fingers crossed :)
The thing that initiated this post was the constant change I have to endure over and over and over. I've said this before, it's always the coming and the going. It's hard for me, after being used to having someone around all the time, to be on my own. And I don't mean my kids. I love love love being with my kids! I know I will always have them. It's REALLY hard when I am home alone without them!! But to have that adult interaction, to have help around the house and with the kids. To not have to depend on others for a sitter when I go to work. A shoulder to cry on whenever I need it when something goes wrong. Even to help out financially with every day things. It's a huge weight lifted from my shoulders to have him with me. Him being Josh of course. We go long lengths of time apart. It seems like every time I am getting used to being alone, doing things my way, not having to rely on anyone but myself (not to discredit my amazing mother who helps me out a TON). He gets to come home. the longer the time apart the harder it is to get used to him being here. It's like I walk around confused, mostly on an intimate - emotional level. To not be touched for so long... it's hard to except that he is here, arm to arm, palm to palm, to let myself feel, if that makes any sense, while knowing he is just going to leave again and I have to say goodbye... :( :( I hate goodbyes!! As soon as I am used to him always being there, counting on it actually, I have to get used to being alone all over again. I think I tend to build up a wall to get by emotionally. It's like a natural anti-depressant, I just turn off the switch. So it takes time to brake it down. This is going to be a long hard road! I know I chose it but it doesn't make it any easier! Even the kids ask where he is all the time. I dread the day he gets the call to deploy somewhere!
The good change with that situation is Josh moved from Kentucky. It sure is nice to be in the same time zone! He's living in Colorado Springs. Which makes visiting a whole lot easier! and cheaper! And he has a great family. They really are amazing! They always make a point to invite me with or without josh, And to let me know they care. They really make it a whole lot easier! I love how natural it feels to be with them, it's never awkward! :)
So many things I could say! Change change and more change. you'd think I'd be used to it by now. My life has not changed so much in the last 25+ yrs as in the last year. At least that's what it feels like. I have had every emotion imaginable. I can't wait for life to feel normal again. To feel like I'm in charge of my own life rather than my life being in charge of me.
But to end on a happy note. I am really blessed to have so much! It can always be worse! :) :) :) And it WILL get better! :) And I am happy to see those around me happy and well. Wow that all sounded real corny... ;) but really it keeps me going to see those around me that I care for and love living happy productive lives! :) <3
